The Best Apps You Didn’t Realize Were For Dating
Connecting with someone online has become widely accepted. The signs are everywhere: wedding invites on your fridge from friends who found romance on Tinder, and social media posts where friends celebrate anniversaries with partners they met on Hinge.
Yet, Zeke Rothfels’ story about meeting her husband online isn’t about endless swiping. Instead, she shares how they cultivated a relationship that spanned the U.S.-Canada border, originating from a Facebook meme group.
“We both questioned, is this crazy?” Rothfels shared with TechCrunch. “Should I recognize the seriousness of this connection, or will it jeopardize everything?”
It was, indeed, a bit wild, but it proved to be authentic — six years later, Rothfels reminisces about their first meeting while settling down after putting their 2-year-old to bed.
“Should I recognize the seriousness of this connection, or will it jeopardize everything?”
There’s a growing fatigue surrounding dating apps. This widespread dissatisfaction has led to significant stock declines for major dating companies. Bumble’s stock has dropped about 90%, and Match Group, which owns 45 dating platforms like Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid, has seen a decrease of around 68% in just five years. Since 2021, these firms have shed approximately $40 billion in market value as they struggle to attract Gen Z.
Nonetheless, the internet remains a steadfast part of our social lives. As singles tire of incessant swiping, couples are forming connections on traditional social media platforms — from Tumblr “Ask” setups to Reddit DMs and even new platforms like Bluesky.
Although not everyone is looking for love on social media, these digital environments naturally cultivate relationships, sometimes evolving from casual friendships. Here, people aren’t bound by the perplexing algorithms of dating apps or weighed down by the pressure of appealing selfies, making these unexpected online “meet-cutes” far more appealing than rewriting a Tinder profile.
The Fatigue of Swiping
According to a Stanford study, “How Couples Meet and Stay Together,” online dating emerged as the primary method for heterosexual couples to connect by 2013. By 2019, around 40% of heterosexual couples reported having met online, a number that doubled those who connected through friends.
Currently, roughly 30% of American adults have tried dating apps, with this figure increasing to 52% among those who are unmarried.
However, as more people use these platforms, they are also encountering unsettling aspects of online dating. According to Pew Research, 70% of online daters experienced others misrepresenting themselves, and 66% of women aged 18 to 49 reported facing harassment. An alarming 56% noted they received unsolicited explicit images.
Over time, negative experiences with dating apps have outweighed positive ones, leading to a skeptical view of dating app giants.
In response, disheartened online daters have created whisper networks for sharing negative experiences about potential partners. This trend, which began with Facebook groups like “Are we dating the same guy?” has enabled women to post screenshots of dates’ profiles to check for any overlap.
This same sentiment has fueled the recent popularity of the dating advice app, Tea, which claims to have attracted 1.6 million users. Its rise has ignited fierce debates online, as men accuse women of doxxing while women emphasize the need for such warnings. Dating applications often neglect vital safety issues, such as background checks, as highlighted in a 2019 ProPublica and Columbia Journalism Investigations report that revealed the presence of sexual predators on Match-owned apps.
Nevertheless, some solutions can be as troubling as the issues they seek to address. For example, Tea has suffered two security breaches revealing users’ selfies, private messages, and government IDs on 4chan, a notorious online platform.
Given all this, it’s no surprise that some individuals are opting to avoid online dating altogether.
A New Approach to Online Connections
Rothfels never envisioned finding love with someone from a Facebook meme group in a different country, yet the internet had other ideas.
“I always thought he was attractive,” Rothfels confessed. “I liked his mustache.”
These unconventional communities, primarily formed by quick-witted college students, often included thousands of members. Rothfels and her husband, Owen, had only exchanged brief messages but shared similar humor and political perspectives, which kept them active in those online realms.
Living in Minneapolis while she was in Toronto, Rothfels never pursued her fleeting crush. One morning in 2019, however, she noticed Owen posted about folk musician Woody Guthrie on Instagram.
“I commented that I’m distantly related to Woody Guthrie, which was true, and he replied with, ‘Marry me,’” she recounted. “That single interaction sparked a week of nonstop chatting… We barely stopped messaging each other.”
Their relationship developed beyond a shared passion for “elaborate dadaist memes,” with that quirky foundation serving as an ideal icebreaker.
“Knowing we both spent time creating these silly memes made it less daunting,” Rothfels explained.
Alternatives for meeting have surged in popularity, with many turning to speed dating events, mixers, personal ads, offline dating apps, or even running clubs, which have peculiarly become a trending dating avenue.
Still, like Rothfels, many discover love in unexpected places, often in forums originally intended for entertainment rather than romance. This environment fosters connections devoid of the looming pressure of romance in initial conversations.
Rudy, age 54, who has never used conventional dating apps, met his wife serendipitously in an erotic pen pals forum on Reddit, where they disguised themselves as imaginative creatures.
I believe Twitter has changed how we communicate and significantly influenced our interpersonal relationships… On Twitter, you can share lore continuously.
“There’s a layer of safety in those conversations, particularly on Reddit,” Rudy (using a pseudonym) shared with TechCrunch. “Throwaway Reddit accounts offer anonymity.”
In that creative environment, they exchanged countless words simply for amusement. Over a year and a half, their fictional chats gradually transformed into a more genuine reality.
“We referred to it as a creative writing forum,” Rudy noted. “My family is aware I met her online; they just don’t realize it began in ‘Cthulhu mythos’ content.”
Although their interactions included flirtation, their artistic connection empowered them to understand each other on a deeper level. Eventually, they decided to meet face-to-face, resulting in Rudy’s wife relocating to the U.S. to join him.
“Her humor and intelligence… she makes me laugh like no one else, and I believe that feeling is mutual,” Rudy told TechCrunch. “Our writing involved poetry and imaginative exchanges, nurturing our bond long before any romantic interactions.”
Cultivating a friendship, even an online one, can accelerate the typically tedious “getting to know you” phase common in online dating, often referred to by users as “admin work” or a second job. This method of meeting mimics the organic feel of introductions through mutual friends.
James Cassar, a writer in their 30s, experienced a similar connection with their partner Nicole. The couple initially interacted on Twitter, following each other due to their posts about niche rock bands.
When they later matched on Tinder, they recognized each other from their online interactions, allowing them to skip the usual small talk.
“When Nicole saw my Tinder profile, she said, ‘You like Cheem? I’ve never met someone who listens to Cheem,’ and I replied, ‘So you must know I’m that person from Twitter,’” Cassar recounted to TechCrunch. “It felt like passing a unique test — what obscure indie band do you enjoy?”
Even though they hadn’t conversed before, they already possessed a wealth of information about each other from their years of online engagement. People often articulate their thoughts and feelings more freely in semi-anonymous exchanges with a wide array of online strangers.
“Twitter has transformed our communication and fundamentally changed our relationships,” Cassar observed. “It bypasses the social conventions of meeting for coffee, where people tend to conceal uncomfortable aspects about themselves for several dates. On Twitter, sharing narratives happens continuously.”
As the internet continues to weave into our everyday lives, the distinctions between online and offline relationships may increasingly blur.
The internet fosters beautiful connections of all types, always.
Recently, when a stranger inquired about how I met my boyfriend, I was prepared to narrate my rehearsed version of events: We were close friends for seven years, and after some encouragement from friends, we finally decided to date.
My boyfriend’s answer was much simpler.
“We found each other on a meme page,” he said.
To my astonishment, I realized his perspective was equally valid.
While we did transition into a romantic relationship after years of friendship, our connection initially sparked as moderators of a local Facebook meme group in 2017, just like Zeke and Owen’s story.
“There should always be a respectful boundary between an individual’s online persona and their personal life,” Rudy emphasized. “However, the internet consistently provides remarkable connections of all kinds.”
While it might be a bit unconventional compared to meeting on Hinge, it seems to be working well so far.
